Mykindaplace

Climax

Hi! I'm Petra Boynton.

I'm a sex researcher with over 10 years experience. My PhD is on porn (truly!), assessing the effects of sex in the media. I train health professionals to talk about sex, and advise a number of organisations like the Family Planning Association, and BBC World Service on sex coverage. I've a regular telephone sex phone in on the BBC, and write several columns on sex and relationships.

Your Question

Hi Petra,

Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and 8 months now and living in our own flat for just under 5 months. We are having trouble where he climaxes after just a couple of minutes which (not to sound selfish!!!) doesnt give me enough time to go which does get a bit frustrating as he stops everything! Please help????

Dr Petra's Response

Sex doesn’t have to end when the guy comes (climaxes) although sex advice manuals and magazine articles often give that impression. The problem with a guy coming too quickly (also called premature ejaculation) is the more it happens the worse it gets. Most guys who come too quick do so because they are worried. They stress that it’ll happen, and when it does they stress some more. So the way around the problem is to take the source of stress away. That means focusing on all the things you like that please you. This could be masturbation (him touching you or you touching yourself, or both). It might be him giving you oral sex. It might be him putting his fingers inside you, or you using a sex toy. If you enjoy different, pleasurable things during sex then there’s less pressure on him to last longer. The other thing to remember is sex doesn’t have to end when the guy comes. So just because he’s had an orgasm doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy touching, kissing, masturbation or other exciting things. Trying to alter the focus of sex so he doesn’t feel he has to last longer should work. Failing that a thicker condom or one with desensitising lubricant in it can help give him some staying power (try brands like Safex or Performa).