Sexual Activity
Hi! I'm Petra Boynton.

I'm a sex researcher with over 10 years experience. My PhD is on porn (truly!), assessing the effects of sex in the media. I train health professionals to talk about sex, and advise a number of organisations like the Family Planning Association, and BBC World Service on sex coverage. I've a regular telephone sex phone in on the BBC, and write several columns on sex and relationships.
Your Question
Dear Petra, I am in a long term relationship and am 17. Me and my boyfriend are both ready to have sex and I'm still a virgin. I have heard that if girls use tampons then they will break the hymen and will not bleed their 1st time. Is this true? and can a guy tell i am a virgin when we have sex?
Dr Petra's Response
You can break your hymen by using a tampon, but often girls break theirs by sport or other activities – and not all women are born with a hymen. Having an intact hymen used to be very important in our culture when we put a lot more emphasis on proving a woman was a virgin before marriage. Some cultures still feel this way. It’s a view that puts a lot of pressure on women and puts too much value on virginity.

Some girls bleed during sex whether they have a hymen or not. Many girls don’t bleed at all. Hopefully if you are aroused and well lubricated you won’t bleed.

Can a guy tell you are a virgin? Well possibly if it hurts and you are tight. But what’s the harm in telling him? He should know if it’s your first time so that he can go at your pace and you are able to say what feels good so he can keep doing it. A guy who is ready for sex himself will be fine about this and willing to learn with you about what arouses you both.

Some guys are hung up on whether a girl is a virgin. It can lead them to put a lot of pressure on a girl and act in a jealous or unpleasant way if he thinks she’s not a virgin. It can lead to suspicious and negative behaviour. I’m not saying that’s the case with you, but if that’s the reason you’re worried about a guy knowing about your virginity it may be worth thinking about whether such a guy is worth sleeping with.

Not sure if that answers your question, so if it doesn’t please email me back.

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Sexual Activity
I am 110% ready to do something

[4 comments]
Personal Hygiene
Ive just starting to become sexually active with my boyfriend

[2 comments]
Sexual health
Has he been cheating?

[2 comments]
Hanniie-x
posted - 27/04/2008 21:17:00
If you don't feel you can tell a guy you're a virgin when you have sex, thens he's not special enough for you to be loosing your virginity to him. :) x
eugejoandark
posted - 21/03/2008 15:09:00
well,the hymen can be broken if tampons are used but i can't tell if there will be bleeding the first time since i don't use tampons.I'm 14and a virgin and i think he'll know because your vagina walls at this moment are tight.
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