| No there’s nothing wrong with you, but you do need to tackle how you are having sex. If you are having penetrative sex where he puts himself inside you and you don’t do much else then you won’t climax and it will hurt.
You can tackle this in several ways. First of all I’d widen the way you have sex. That means ensuring when you’re together you have lots of all the things that gets you excited. It might be massage, kissing, talking dirty, having him give you oral sex or touching your breasts. Whatever you like, do lots of it. But don’t stop this when it’s time for penetration. Continue with all the things you enjoy so you stay aroused.
The second – and probably most important thing – is to ensure you get a lot of clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is the little bump at the top of your vaginal lips. It should feel good when you touch or rub it. Masturbating by rubbing your clitoris can make you feel fantastic, so practice this on your own. When you’re with your partner rub your clitoris while he kisses you or fingers you. Also have either him rub your clitoris or you do it when you’re having penetrative sex and you should find it much more exciting and orgasm should be easier to reach.
Thirdly, make sure you don’t make a big deal out of orgasm. Easier said than done I know. If you’re worried about having an orgasm it is going to cause stress and that’s going to make it harder to climax. So if you accept you are going to feel pleasure that may or may not end in orgasm it may help you relax.
Fourthly use positions where you control penetration. It takes confidence but if you go on top you can control the depth and speed of penetration (and ensure you can touch your clitoris too).
Fifth, invest in a lubricant. You can get these in the pharmacy or chemist, or order online. Lubricants are a great way to help you get nice and wet and make sex easier and more enjoyable.
If, after all that, sex is still painful, or if it’s so painful you just don’t want to do it I would suggest going to see your practice nurse and have a checkup just to be sure you’re okay.
Many women find sex painful but it can be sorted with the tips above and good communication – so don’t endure things that hurt. Tell your partner if things aren’t working for you, and get checked out to be sure nothing is wrong.
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